Last week, we invited you to send us the most overwrought, bad financial prose you can write.
You're doing, um, well so far. We think you can do worse.
Our Bad Writing Contest was prompted by CNBC blogger Janice Dorn, the Trading Doctor, who described the stock market as follows last week:
"With each passing day, the bus has been careening down the mountain and getting emptier as more as more people are jumping off in sheer terror. Lightening of the load and thinning of the herd, perhaps? Buy and hope morphed into buy and cry and is now buy and bleed. I feel a pent-up pressure beginning to build but—bottoms and tops are seen only in hindsight. Speaking of buts ( pun intended) -- this has been a Jennifer Lopez market with various people seeing different bottoms for months now. This is not a bottom call. I repeat. This is an alert to have cash ready and don’t overstay your welcome or your size on the short side. There will be volatility, as the dying beast gasps for breath in its agonal throes, fighting with every fabric of its being to stay alive."
Remember, this is a fun contest, a temporary breather from the very real and very dire news that's out there.
You have a few days left. Send us a sentence or paragraph or, yes, even a poem to describe how bad the recession/market is. If you want to describe your gasping portfolio, go right ahead. Fiction is fine, too. (For guidance - but not plagiarism - here's the granddaddy of bad writing contests.)
Send your worst effort to email@example.com.
Winner gets Squeeze recognition - along with a Charlotte Observer coffee mug.