Monday, February 16, 2009

Laurie's story: The elephant in the room

What do you say to a friend whose family faces sudden financial difficulty?

Laurie Reid is 45 years old, a wife and mother of two. She's lived two decades in Charlotte - a comfortable, but not lavish, life. One day late last year, her husband came home with news he'd lost his job. Now, with thoughtful candor, she faces the fear that comes with loss of her household's only income.

We'll be bringing you her story and others from around Charlotte. They are voices that speak to the different challenges that you'll find throughout our city. We want to hear your stories of struggles and successes, too.

On the elephant in the room, Laurie says:

Not everybody who learns that we are the latest victims of the economic downturn is comfortable talking about it, much less acknowledging it. Instead, they do an awkward dance in an attempt to avoid the topic. They concern themselves with relatively small and irrelevant matters instead of addressing the big looming one at hand...the lay off. And in the process, it becomes much bigger and more cumbersome than it actually is.

So I'm doing a public service announcement: do not be afraid to talk about the layoff. Repeat after me: “I am sorry to hear about the job, good luck finding a new one.” Done. You don't have to say anything more than that one simple sentence. We do not expect you to fix the situation, but it would make things easier for all parties if you would simply acknowledged it. We promise not to drag you into an ugly "life sucks" conversation. Getting laid off is certainly not the worst thing that has ever happened to us and if you give us a chance, you will see that we are in pretty good spirits. It is also probably worth mentioning that being laid off is not contagious. Therefore, expressing your condolences does not make you more susceptible to coming down with unemployment. End of public service announcement.

I will add that most of our friends and neighbors have gone above and beyond the call of duty. The day after my husband lost his job a friend showed up at our door with homemade chicken soup. It warmed our hearts and warmed our tummies. That same day my sister (who does not cook) whipped up a batch of delicious muffins and delivered them fresh from her oven to our door. We had one neighbor drop by with the makings of a top shelf martini with a note that read, “We are all in this together.” We've received cards, calls and e-mails, suffice it to say, we are feeling the love.

My husband, who has a tendency to see the glass half full, is looking at this layoff as a wonderful opportunity to find his dream job. He feels as if he’s been given a new lease on life and has embraced it like a gift. I will not go so far as to call this an opportunity, because quite frankly I liked the opportunity that came with him being employed, but I will take this time to scrutinize my current lifestyle. Aside from looking for a job of my own, I am looking for ways to downscale and regroup. Nothing like a fresh cup of perspective to realize that I took a lot for granted when we had a weekly paycheck. We're not down and out (yet) so I am going to try to break some of my nasty habits while I am still in the mood to count my blessings.

We don't need to buy any new toys; we have our health and we have each other. We don't need to eat out; we are happiest at home around our kitchen table with family and friends. We don't need to go to the movies to see the latest comedy; we do enough laughing on our own. In fact, I can't seem to walk into the house without shouting up the stairs, "Hey honey, I'm home...any job offers?" And each time I do, I get a chuckle out of my husband. I tell him that he's lucky that I'm so funny, but the truth of the matter is, I'm lucky that he's such a great guy and an easy audience.

Sure, there might come a day when he throws a shoe down the stairs or throws me down the stairs, but until that happens, we're going to continue to talk about it and laugh about it and, yes, even cry about it. But please, don't be afraid to join us...we won’t bite.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a remarkable attitude. I am working with a group of transitioning job-seekers at my church. I went through a job transition 6 years ago which lasted 15 months - and I definitely understand the situation. Anyone in transition has a new job called, "Job Seeker." It's a full-time job, and anytime your friends, associates, or family can provide some help, I am sure it is always appreciated.

Keeping a good, positive attitude is half the battle. Now let's hope the Obama stimulus plan creates the jobs promised, and gets everyone in transition back to work soon!

Anonymous said...

"Now let's hope the Obama stimulus plan creates the jobs promised, and gets everyone in transition back to work soon!"

Unfortunately I do not see that happening until at least 2010 and even then I don't see my job available in that package.

Funny irony on this guy, (me), laid off from a bank. Now when I interview with a company that has America in it's name I have to speak to people that are not from America and are here on H-1's. So here I am born and raised here yet I get let go and people here on work visa's remain employed. What is wrong with that picture? I try to be positive but when I have kids and a wife to support it gets harder each day. Big banks and Wall street get bailed out but us normal folks get nothing but stress and high blood pressure wondering how are we going to make our mortgage payment and feed our families. I applied for unemployment 2 months ago and still haven't heard a thing. And I cannot get through to talk to anyone. That is the thanks many of us get after paying into the system for so long.

Obama, McCain, Bush, and all the rest of them crooks are no good. Doesn't matter who is in charge because my life and many others have no benefit. Big business is who is protected in this country, not us.

Anonymous said...

Great public service announcement! People often don't know what to say in these situations. Maybe you should start an advice column for the newly unemployed and those who know them. (That would pretty much cover everyone these days!)

Anonymous said...

Yes an elephant or a 500 lb gorilla, we do tred softly. It's good advice, that unfortunately we need at this time.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this article. So many of my friends are being laid off from the bank these days and I never know what to say. I think people feel guilty when they still have a job and many of their friends don't. Next time, I'll bring over some cookies!

Anonymous said...

I'm not quite sure why this writer Laurie doesn't already have her column in the Observer. Her blogs are actually readable.

Anonymous said...

Laurie,

My very best to your family during this challenging time. I appreciate your thoughts, as I have many friends here in Charlotte who have lost their jobs. It's comforting to know that "we're all in this together" and that we need not be so careful about how we approach discussion of the situation that we lose sight of what matters.

I love the blog. Keep it coming...and keep your chin up!

Anonymous said...

How refreshing to see someone take an upsetting situation and put a positive spin on it- may we all learn from your example! And may your husband and/or you find the job of your dreams soon....along with all of those who are struggling in one way or another.

Anonymous said...

This was a wonderful blog. This is a hard season. The season may last for years to come, but if we stay as positive as Laurie, I know we will make it. Put all of the negative behind. The ones in charge did the deed and left the scene. Now it is up to the ones who have been victimized to go on from here. Thank you Laurie.

Anonymous said...

I have warmed up to Laurie and her great attitude. At first I thought she was a rich person who'd been temporarily inconvenienced but surely had a lot of money saved since her husband had a great job. I conveniently overlooked the fact that the loss of a job (and the security that goes along with it) is a life altering event. The fact that Laurie is looking for a job herself shows that she does not suffer from a sense of entitlement. She sounds like a fabulous person, and I wish her and her family all the best.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you, but I just hope you are poundin' the pavement for a job yourself along with your laid off husband...

Anonymous said...

looks like this didn't get the hell-fire last week's blog did! I'm glad people have had some time to think about their words before commenting in this round. Big paycheck or small paycheck - I think everyone missed the fact there was another job loss...which means another affected family.
Glad to see Laurie didn't let the public comments get to her. Seems like a tough cookie - good luck.

Anonymous said...

Good advice and certainly timely. It's this type of talk we need in Washington - the way adults should talk!

Good stuff. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

I knew Laurie would find her voice and her audience if given the chance - thanks for this great advice and for your attitude that reminds us that our current economic situation can be handled with grace and humor and you exemplify both!

chupacabra said...

Is this the same Laurie as "trophy wife" Laurie?

If so then I still don't get the "be careful what you wish for" title.

I also don't see why with all the people out there out of work there was a need to rewrite this. Granted, it is a far more sympathetic story now but I hate that she tore herself away from American Idol to do this.

Anonymous said...

Wow, this Laurie is a breath of fresh air. What a nice uplifting way to help her readers look at all of these lay-offs. I will no longer be uncomfortable about the big, fat elephant, and now know what to say and do for my neighbors and colleagues who have been effected by layoffs. Laurie says that her husband is the optimistic one, but I say Laurie's right beside him! Keep up the great blogs, and I can't wait to read your next one. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Often the only thing we can change in a challenging situation is our attitude. Thank you, Laurie for your healthy perspective and for helping us all know what to say to friends who are in the midst of these challenging situations.

Anonymous said...

"I can't seem to walk into the house without shouting up the stairs, "Hey honey, I'm home...any job offers?""

This is exactly what I want to hear as head of the household when times are tough. I might chuckle once or twice, but it would get old quickly. "No, darling, you home from work early? Oh, I forgot..."